How to ensure your children grow up well

hey fags

we're hitting that age where we have to stop thinking about advancing our careers and instead contemplate a white picket fence, turtle neck sweaters but most of all kids with your significant other(s). If you guys intend on saving a few bucks via not buying condoms and thus produce a little "bundle of joy" read this help guide.

In 1920, an American Professor of Psychology, John B Watson, conducted a controversial experiment on a baby named Albert. This so-called “Little Albert” experiment was designed to show empirical evidence on the effects of classical conditioning on humans. Essentially, the professor attempted to condition the infant to feel frightened of an innocuous object. Thus, Watson would give little Albert a white rat which the child would gleefully pat. Suddenly the Professor would bang an excruciatingly loud gong at which point the baby would naturally burst into tears. After multiple repetitions of this experiment, the baby slowly but surely began to associate the loud and shocking noises with the presence of the animal. Furthermore, he began to be terrified of any characteristics of the rat such as its white fur. In the end, Albert could no longer look at Santa Claus or even furry dogs without erupting into tears. Although the experiment was highly successful in proving Watson’s hypothesis, it breached a myriad of ethics and caused permanent psychological damage for the subject. Although Little Albert’s whereabouts are now unknown, psychologists presume that since the experiment was never “extinguished,” his fear must have continued. Perhaps Albert always had an irrational fear of white, furry objects. Shame. He could never enjoy Christmas.

Now we don’t have to professors or psychologists to condition other individuals. It’s quite simple and usually we don’t even realize we’re doing it. In fact, we, as parents, condition children much more than we’d like to admit. Although we may not be as aggressive as Watson, something as simple as continuously reminding your children to study, in order to succeed in the future, can itself be interpreted as conditioning. We must therefore be very careful about our unconscious programming of the young. Observing the dangerous ramifications that deliberate conditioning had on Little Albert, we can safely say that the influences we thrust upon our young children make a lasting impression on their fledging consciousness.

So how do we ensure that our children grow up as productive, creative but most of all “sane” members of society? Well, sit back, put your kids to bed, arm yourselves with some ice cream and read on.

Rationally speaking, every person we meet, every action we take and every word we utter will affect us in some way, although usually that effect is miniscule. During our childhood, every interaction we have is amplified as we more susceptible to manipulation, since we don’t have the capacity, nor the intelligence to think independently. What parents must do is ensure that every memory, every interaction which has the potential to engender strong emotional feelings are meaningful and constructive.

Parents should question their role. Is it to ensure that their children become professional skateboarders or achieve that highly elusive 99.95 ATAR score? Everyone has different ambitions but one aspiration that remains common to such parental aspirations is that the children transition into happy and well-adjusted adults as they try to achieve their goals. Now, what can we do to help them on their quest? Well, harsh though it may sound, in order for kids to “be all that they can be,” parents must give them both desirable and undesirable memories to fester in their consciousness.

It is fairly obvious as to why children need positive memories. From the second they are blasted out of their womb, it is of utmost importance that children are not stressed, cry as little as possible and to be soothed at all costs. If these objectives aren’t achieved, there can be disastrous consequences are studies show that unhappy babies have a far greater likelihood of stress-related diseases as adults. Most of us realize that happy memories nourish children and create lifelong bonds with parents. So it is necessary to do all that we can to cultivate pleasant memories such as carefree holidays, helping Mum make cakes or even going to the footy with Dad.

On the flipside, we must not create a fool’s paradise for our children for they will grow up believing that life is trouble free, when we all know that it’s exactly the opposite. We need to make them aware of the unpleasantness of reality, so they can cope with the difficulties later on. Of course, we shouldn’t resort to the cruel manipulation of Little Albert, but telling your children “No” or even the odd smack whenever they disobey can teach them respect, manners and consideration for others. Of course, smacks may be a negative memory and experience for the child, but it is essentially a training scheme that wil condition them to realize that life is not always a “bed of roses” and that beneath that glossy exterior does indeed lie an uncomfortable crown of thorns. Overall, clearly the appropriate combination of both desirable and undesirable memories will yield the best possible reality for any child.

Life is hard. The sooner children know it, the better. The sooner children don’t take their happiness for granted, the better. But in the meantime, foster significant memories of both ends of the spectrum. Having too many happy memories can result in irresponsible children who forever depend on their parents, whilst too many bad memories can create perpetual fear, anxiety and distrust much like our friend Albert. Ultimately, the fate of our children comes down to the very choices parents make. Ensure that you make the correct ones.