why we shouldn't have premarital sex

in this crazy crazy world

kids these days are frequently cavorting around and having sex with undesirables and blaming it on alcohol

consequently, the unique individuals who yearn to have sex with a virgin after marriage or are awaiting for someone they truly love are in a rather hefty disposition

the thing about virginity is that the longer your a virgin the greater the emphasis and importance you place into it

and the harder and harder it gets to lose it,

therefore, even if you think you want to lose your virginity, subconsciously you dont because your scared that you would lose an attachment that is both precious and distinct.

in addition, there are the insecurities associated with losing yours to one thats probably done it many many times.

all of these feelings reinforce that notion of having sex with a virgin.

now all these emotion are amplified when your in your mid twenties or thirties awaiting that true love with a thickly intact, unbroken hymen

Thus back to the original point, why shouldnt we have pre martial sex

people are attracted to sex because of what we hear about it, the premise of it, people say its fun, therefore we are influenced to think its fun.

however, people truly dont know what sex is until they experience it.

you dont know what characterizes "satisfying" sex and "unsatisfying" sex. if you and your significant other were limited to just kissing until you got married and you jumped on the bed, you guys are going to have no idea what sex feels like, you assume it feels good because of the media and your friends, but your still not sure.

but both of you are absolutely certain that, sex would be more pleasurable then your previous activities,as it is still a step up from kissing.

ill liken it to this

e.g. lets say you watched black and white tv since the dawn of time, then suddenly you get colour tv, would you really care if that tv was a plasma (good sex) or if it was just a normal LCD( bad sex).

you wouldn't because that new thing you experienced is still a step up from its predecessor.

so guys dont be fooled by what everyone says about sex because humans tend to exaggerate alot

and after all that tom-foolery your significant other poses you the question

" how many people have you had sex with before"

wouldn't it be much more romantic to say "only you" as opposed to staring dumbly at her

so kids, dont have sex or you will get chlamydia, and you will die.

how to be the best boyfriend/girlfriend in the world

yo sea horses, given my track record with girls, i really have no right to give anyone advice on how to be the best girlfriend and boyfriend

however, i believe i know what quality the best boyfriend/girlfriend need

and that is perception or to be perceptive

this doesnt apply to just relationships but practically every facet of life

the most endearing, the most charming people are the ones that react accordingly to any situation without having been told to

e.g. putting the toilet seat up without having be told to

e.g. paying your child support once in a while

e.g. knowing when to talk and when to be quiet

its important that we act in the appropriate manner without having being told to because...

we humans are naturally deceitful people, we never say whats really on our mind and we do our best to cloud our emotions for fear of repercussions, our behavior is barely ever representative of our mental processes

we simply hope that time will change our significant others behaviors and we feel shamed, silly or having no right to tell them to change their behavior

eventually, a yearning for your partner to be more mature or to change results in despair and eventually you'll part your ways

so if you want a long and lasting relationship, you dont have to be the most attractivest cucumber in the sea or the most talented vagina in the paddock,

all you have to do is to be be very perceptive and attuned to your girlfriend's needs both physically and mentally,

cos a smile, a laugh,a frown paints a thousand words

the worst feeling in the world

the worst feeling for we humans to endure is that sense of mind-numbing loneliness

loneliness can be defined as two features

1. absence of males (i.e. friends)

2. absence of females (i.e. friends or lovers)

im going to be addressing the second one

unless your an asexual flower that reproduces by relying on a bee, we humans need both males and females to satisfy and enrich our lives and we'll never truly be happy with only one or none of the criterion.

the thing with loneliness and most negative emotions in general are that you cant stop thinking about it and you are constantly reminded of it just by a simple walk in the street

as you see couples walking hand in hand, you can't feel overwhelmed and at a loss as to why everyone in this world has found their significant other with the exception of you.

you question whether its your fault and you feel as if there a lack in yourself

these sort of feelings are the source for a myriad of other negative emotions such as depression, sadness, lack of motivation or even worse an amplification of the slut factor

humans want to feel wanted. they need to feel wanted, that is our genetic makeup and that is what makes us so unique, without it we are essentially denying ourselves of what is "human"

but girls and guys, dont attempt fill in that void in your life through copious amounts of penis because the worst possible result of pregnancy at this age is a little bundle of cells that will eventually grow up to resent you and ship you off at a nursing home the minute you cannot control your bowel movements.

you can attempt to fill that void through busying yourself with homework, alcohol, drugs, gardening and all that jazz

but in the end the only way to assuage loneliness is to...

not be lonely (TADA) so if you feel like something in your life is missing, maybe thats what it is

as for all the people who do have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you really shouldn't take them for granted as another pretty horrible feeling is that of regret and feelings of "what if"

"what if i didnt say that "

"what if i was a bit nicer"

"what if i wore a condom"

loneliness and regret are actually biffles because they're a catalyst for each other

i guess thats why when we feel loneliness we also feel regret and visa versa

anyways at this moment, my toilet doesn't feel lonely, i gave it a brown friend(s)

my toilets a bit racist so hes going to have to adjust his attitudes a bit but Australia is a multicultural place, he'll learn

anyways i just flushed and the toilet is accusing his newly found brown friend of stealing all his water

im just like dude, deal with it, thats life

but after the toilet's tantrum it feels a bit lonely and now it regrets being mean to its brown friend

circle of life bro

how to be good looking

our perception of beauty or attractiveness is influenced primarily if not all by the environment

the media, social norms, word of mouth, current political/social/economic situations are pivotal in influencing us on what we consider as "good looking"

consequently, what we perceive as attractive has the capability to change rapidly

for instance, several hundreds of years ago, in times of dire poverty fat people were considered more attractive as their weight was a representation of their socio-economic status, you have money to buy kfc y'know hence u get fat hence it means girls would rather fuck you cos you can prevent them from you know...dying of starvation

now we as humans are a dying race, our time is nearly over

and once we run of out of resources, we will quickly descend into chaos as nations will attack each other

and that is an insuperable fate, greater advancements in technology will only prolong the inevitable

my pessimism aside

during this stage of anarchy and brutality, the most attractive people wont be the pretty, skinny, statesque and all that jazz models we see today

attractive people would be basically hardened, old, rugged, scarred and other characteristics that people today might deem as rough, unpleasant or even undesirable

and that is because these people appear as though they can provide greater security and stability during a tumultuous time

so the clocks ticking guys, you better start working out, not shave and start to smear excrement over ur face as camouflage to simulate guerrilla warfare because that is what will be attractive in 20-40 years.

as for girls, you can start by not wearing any makeup and not using any toilet paper

i kid you not

when the bombs start dropping and the Indonesians/polar bears are flanking our shores

who do you think the girl would look to

a tall, pretty boy with a pasty complexion and thin fingers ORr

an ugly wayne rooney lookalike dotted with acne and other unsightly blemishes

so to all the ugos out there, i hope this note provides you with some solace

because in the not too distant future

girls and boys will find YOU as the most desirable

and maybe when you look at yourself in the mirror then you'll see

^_^ reflection perfection ^_^

hannibal lector in kindergarten

you know in kinder, theres always that one insane kid, that insane motherfucker who does weird shit and you just know that hes going to rape kids in the future, well i unfortunately came across this bad boy one untimely morning.

i was a pretty nice kid in kinder, all i ever did was finish puzzles or pick up chickens and throw them into the toilet

so im happily running around the playground with my undies on my head when i run into a line of bubbles that the kid blew

i say "oops soz bro" and

this kid menacingly glares at me and drops his bubble-making apparatus and starts to walk towards me

i freak out and run in the opposite direction

i take refuge at the top of the playground and stop to catch my breath,

then he pops out of nowhere, pulls up my shirt and takes a chunk out of my shoulder

he literally bit my arm to the extent that it bled

i had his dental records embedded in me, im freaking out and i start screaming AHHHHH

and then i run to the office all teary and shizz with blood squirting out of my shoulder

anyways, last week i bumped into that kid again and i said to him

"remember me, i know what you did 14 years ago"

and hes like "what...."

and then i smashed him to the ground and took a bite out of his arm

it felt good man

revenge sure does feel good

hehehe anyways that whole story is true except for the last bit about me finding him

but i really wonder what urged him to bite me, like what did i do to deserve getting bitten

BUT. thats the way life is.

shit happens to people that dont deserve it

and you just gotta accept it

but ever since then, ive been worried that someone else might wanna take a bite out of me

but this time im ready.

if some faggot tries to eat me, i will take a shit on his face

im not fat, im just big boned

in the 21st century

we humans are blessed with lots of food, like a ridiculous amount of food

to the extent, that we don't know what to do with it,

consequently, it is of no surprise that humans (in western societies) are getting fatter and more obese

now we are socially programmed and conditioned to believe that fat people are the epitome of ugly

we are led to feel this way not by birth but engineered vicariously through media outlets such as porn, total girl, dolly,

you know what i mean... children dont pop out and be like "all fat people are belong to us."

initially, they include the fat kid in all there games and treat him/her like an equal

however, they eventually through social standards and norms are influenced to perceive a fatty mc fat fat as undesirable

anyways so these fat people are unappreciated and are largely left to fend for themselves in a cruel, superficial world

but, fat people need love too, especially fat people, they need it the most, food isnt going to fill that hole forever

therefore, to make our society better and to raise our living standards we need to appreciate fat people, we need to love fat people, we need to give them value, but mostly we have to find fat people attractive

i personally believe that nurture is much more integral to ones upbringing then nature

so all we have to do is create a society, an environment that is fat people friendly

instead of anorexic super models flaunting their mosquito bites in videos, posters and such, we have fat people eating burgers bending over and gazing seductively at the camera

i assure you over time, our deeply entrenched beliefs will fade and subconsciously we will find fat people more attractive, they will be the ideal

move along "cute is what we aim for" because babe, "fat is what we aim for"

skinny people would be a minority, a relic of a more archaic, uncivilized time

i can totally see myself looking at the show "the biggest winner" (a new show opposite of biggest loser) and feeling aroused

of course this may lead to girls and boys attempting to be more fat and exacerbate the inevitable food shortage

but at least fat people would have the chance to attain a modicum of what beautiful people feel every day

you know that feeling, you wake up in the morning you look in the mirror and smile.

^_^ reflection perfection ^_^

appearences leave alot to be desired

do you ever wish that people looked different

i really wish some girls personalities were accompanied by a much more attractive face

because im not going to lie and pretend like i dont care about looks

cos everybody cares about looks

because i know some girls that have very appealing faces yet their IQ is the equivalent of the room temperature

and girls with very appealing personalities yet they resemble a brickwall

and girls that dont fufill both of the criterion will forever remain as just friends.

however, what also saddens me is the realization that i would never be able to look beyond one's fleshy exterior

and how no amount of "good" personality will ever make up for her fugliness

lulcakes

so whats up with toilets aye. i truly think that they are one of humanities greatest invention

how does it maintain that consistent level of water,

if i could liken a toilet to a person, he/she would be the most balanced, most secure figure in life.

no matter how much shit you give to it, after a quick flush its back to equilibrium

why cant we humans be more like toilets?

i wonder why god didnt do this

i wonder why god didnt do this

have you guys noticed how screwed up our world is?
well unless your a bumbling optimist that vomits out sunshine, you must realize that humans are inherently bad but more so males in general are bad,
the key difference between men and women lies in their strength
as men are stronger than women, they use this power to abuse their privileges and engage in unfamily friendly activities such as rape, violence, not putting the seat down for the toilet and not eating vegetables
but its all good, i know how to save humanity
we simply ask god politely for a little role reversal
we make women more physically powerful than men
i firmly believe that women are less likely to start wars and be violent
consequently, our society would be much more safe, tolerant and peaceful
so guys next time you attend your mosque, church or synagogue
add a little oomph to your prayers as the big G-man up there just may listen.
huge emphasis on the word "may"

i got water on my ass

hey guys, im just here once again on the toilet, brainstorming about some ideas, wondering about life and what it would be like being married to a prostitute and all the insecurities that come along with it.

all the meanwhile im attempting to expel my brown friends from that uncomfortable chasm whilst hoping to dear allah that there are no dementors watching me from the realm behind my webcam.

then suddenly, my efforts no longer goes to waste and i realease this black fiend from its fleshy prison, however, alas, the phenomenal impact of it when hitting the bottom has splashed water all over the opening of my rear, causing an uncomfortable yet strangely soothing feeling. but now, when i poo, my asshole has adopted the role of a common house tap.

have any of you guys ever experienced this and have any of you guys ever peed sideways, like not vertically

do i have a weird shaped penis hole? or does everyone suffer this from time to time

cos i really hate having to clean my foot of all that "collateral damage"

maybe my foreskin is hampering my pissing prowess

circumsision perhaps? but i cant afford to bare that pain, i heard its the equivalent of childbirth

sucks to have a vagina, i mean seriously u bleed once and month and i heard theres also a sticky white discharge involved in the mix at random intervals. oh plus if u have a vagina it usually comes along with less rights, greater likelihood of rape and domestic abuse. but hey i heard that ur ability to make sandwiches does increase exponentially.

have you guys also realised that toilet paper is ridiculously ineffective at cleaning the shit plastered across the edges of your crack, cos no matter how great you are, without a "bidet" your still going to have stains that can only be removed with thorough scrubbing with ur fingers in the heaven that is our shower, what about poor africans that cant afford showers

do they walk around with shit stuck in the cavities of their ass? but then again shit stains would be pretty low on their list of worries. i guess they'd have more troublesome problems such as fear of rape, rape, rape by siblings, rape by chocolate and a divine rapier

but then again their probability of rape has probably been reduced significantly due to their lack of adequate showering facilities. so i guess everyone wins..

my birth

so a girl walks into a macdonalds store and orders a big mac. she has recently broken up with her boyfriend because the she has the tendency to fuck anything that has a pulse.

anyways the girl is wearing a dress and just as she is about to take a bite, she drops the burger onto her lap and sauce seeps into the pelvic region of her dress. however, little does she know that within the confines of the sauce is a little extra ingredient, harvested by nights of temporary pleasure, this juice was stored up until a sufficient amount was attained which would be worthy enough to act as his ultimate revenge for her constant rejection of his advances. the girl crys "oh no," wipes the stains and proceeds outside to have sex with the nearby ferrets whilst the manager sinisterly chuckles at his evil plot and then cries later because he realises he's 35 and still works at macdonalds.

almost a year later, kenny paek was born

closets sure are uncomfortable

lately, i have been questioning my sexual orientation

i mean there are good looking guys like johnny deep, that i say i find attractive

but im pretty sure i like girls. however, why dont i tell you about my dream

around two weeks ago, i dreamnt that i was being chased by a pack of gay boys riding scooters wishing to attach my dick to their mouth, naturally i ran but you just cant beat scooters

so i dont know what happened but im assuming my backdoor was no longer my backdoor

anyways i woke up and i was a bit scared but shrugged it off thinking its a dream and i happily went on facebook

however my facebook wall was plastered with messages from those gay fiends saying "did you forget about us, i love you" and i full freaked out. And then i woke up again, this time for real.

i had a dream within a dream and it was freaking scarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry

so which brings me back to the original point am i in denail, am i in a 2m by 2m closet.

i dont know but with a year of vce in front of me, my interactions with the female species is only going to lessen,

so hmmmmm, aint that some food for thought

sexual harrasment

There is nothing wrong with sexual harassment

In fact society would be a lot more efficient if women and men were exposed to a good dose of sexism every now and then. Ergh I kid. Anyways the reason why im talking about this is because recently our school wasted a period, (a whole freaking period which I could have spent on making love to my bm textbook) on a lecture about sexual harassment. Apparently some year 12 had groped a teacher and did silly stuff like “oh i dropped my books, lets take a million years to pick them up so I can observe my teacher’s non existent cleavage” During that whole lecture, my friends began to grope my ass and whisper snide comments like “get back into the rape dungeon” which got me thinking, how retarded would you have to be make passes at teachers. I mean, they are like double our age, couldnt he (perhaps even she, we’re never too sure at mhs) just find some nice homely looking macrob , take her to a secluded area (e.g. state library) and whisper wistfully about the functions of x? If you really need a girlfriend but you cant seem to get one, ill teach you a crude but effective way to make your own, first you have to sit on your hand for oh I don’t know 7-8 hours, until its practically dead and theres no blood in it, then you shake it all about it, you do the hokey pokey and you turn around and that’s what its all about, lets just say if you use that technique correctly your hand can be your girlfriend for at least 30 mins oh wait we mhs guys don’t even need 30 mins, more like 30 seconds, 30 seconds of bliss ! Therefore, the drawing up of artificial boundaries has impeded national unity and has induced internal violence amongst the various African tribes/nations.



public transport

public transport

as we all know, victoria's current public transport system is very flawed, especially the train system which is easily the most important
however, public transport system provides us with ample opportunities to interact with a variety of people hailing from a mix of cultures, yet , why is it that we spend the majority of our trips (to and from school) in mind-numbing monotony staring at the girl with the big boobs in front of us? and then staring away when she looks as you, and then staring back and then getting a restraining order slapped on you,

its because of fear of the people around us. there have been plenty of times when there was a strangely attractive male in front of me and i have not had the guts to approach him, deary me
and why the fuck is it that when the train stops at south yarra, all these people try to get on when clearly a shit load of people have to get off, fuck, and whats up with all the old asian women checking me out cant ther husbands satisfy them or something so they have to resort to staring at an innocent child like me, i swear why cant i just eat my potato cake in peace!

ther should also be another rule, you know how we are meant to give up our seats for the elderly or the disabled, ther should be a rule that forces people to give ther seats up for melbourne high school students. why? because we are the children of the future, the one that would be running australias economy, surely providing us with a seat is a little sacrifice for the potential benefits of our collective intelligence, i kid u not, and to all the fags that are mean to mhs students, stop being a fag because in the future you will probs be sucking our dick, kk
this rule doesnt apply to macrob students because lol, that school is a breeding ground for feminists and u all know that macrob students dont have souls
gingers do have souls!

sex after marriage (i think not)

not long ago i was given this question
"would you have sex before marriage?" then i responded with
"would you buy a car without trying it before hand?" yes. thats right exactly!
ladies and gentlemen, i rest my case
what happens if you go through marriage and your all in love and shit
and the minute u take off your bra, a white stain begins to trickle out of his pants hmph?
(premature ejaculation ftw)
what happens if your husband has an extremely tiny penis,
or your wife has an extremely tiny vagina (thats a good thing btw )
huh?
thats why i cannot stress the importance of having sex before marriage
it would give you guys practice plus regardless of what people think sex is important in the maintenance of a healthy marriage, because thers only so much personality can do. but remember kids use contraceptives
also you can be like my parents and solve every problem by having sex :) i think i was born after they got evicted from ther house
i think, who knows maybe i was planned, unlikely though

ugly girls are more horny?

ugly girls are more horny?

the big g man up there decided to give ugly girls a predicament perhaps even a curse
why did he give the ugly girls the horny gene? its worse that ther ugly in the first place but they also have to satisfy their urge for sex. now thats just unfair
but then again its okay, girls can get sex whenever they want, do you know why?
because guys are fucking horny animals and wouldnt think twice about inserting their sausage into a bun

all guys think about is one thing, one little thing that is located in the pants and how much action that it gets, every guy ull encounter watches porn at least oncee day, no joke, at least once a day, if they dont ther either very religious or ther a serial killer, simple as that
guys are bitches and if were even a little bit like girls, society would be whole lot better

thus, it doesnt matter if ur an horny ugly girl
but if ur an horny, ugly guy
man u better be smart of something cos im telling you, your not going to get anything,
and alot of people say asian girls arent horny and ther all frigit faggots,
trust me asian girls are as horny as the white bimbo right next to her, its just that shes kept it a secret behind an exterior of nerdness.
and asian guys, you think ther all a bunch of limp faggots who would rather have sex with their ti cas calculator, ive tried it , its not possible

anyways before i said that if your an horny, ugly guy, you wouldnt get anything
this is wrong because women appreciate personality and character and they dont care about looks nowhere near as much as guys, so be grateful taht girls are nothing like us

vce is like jail

PINCH PUNCH FIRST DAY OF THE MONTH (NO RETURNS, UNDER A ROOF)
after a solid 6 months of having sex with Victoria Cecilia Edwards
i realized that this education system is more or less like a prison
it lasts around two years and essentially you try as hard as you can to not to get raped by the big black guy grinning in the corner
every time you screw up a sac, its basically like dropping the soap and that penis just gets one inch closer to your ass,
you screw up your exams and shit gets pushed back in
and i know i may sound like a whiny bitch complaining about vce in year 11. but my im so paranoid due to my first psych sac, when i got my results back i swear i could feel the tip of it caressing my back and trust me it did not feel good
but seriously vce is very very important, so i wish all year 11/12's to study hard and the next time u feel that thing itching towards you, turn around and you go rape that black man, hard. because sweeties ther are two sort of people in this life, the ones that make the buns and the ones that sell the buns, its easier being the latter

Sigh everytime im on the comp my fingers have a tendency to go onto the tube of redness, thus i shall have to end this note short on account i must kill millions of my potential children
OMG KENNY UR SO VULGAR

ugly people, beautiful people, fat people and ugly people

why is it that people "judge books by ther covers"
why is it that people only care about looks.
its because humans are bitches, we dont appreciate the uglier people because they are ugly, we go for the hotter ones because apparently its okay as ther beauty justifies their horrible personality
its all fair atm since you are just high school kids and relationships at this point do not really have severe repercussions
however, put yourself in my position, i am 50 years and have lived with my chauvinistic husband for the past 25 years and he frequently beats me up. i tell him to not do it in the front of the children and he responds with throwing a beer bottle at my face. if i could rewind time, i would have settled for that fat ugly guy who was always there for me, the one that actually treated me nice
but as always i was drawn to dangerous "bad' boys, i think its just human nature, we always want what we cant have but people u must realise this and drop your shenanigans because kids u dont want to end up like moi.

au revoir ms clavel
we love our bread and we sure do love our butter !

female caucasian teenagers

i was studying at the library once again when i couldnt help but notice the high pitched whining of a female with white pigmentation, she was complaining to her friend about how crap her test results are no matter how much she studied. *news flash* sweetie your white, your intelligence was determined at your birth and no amount of studying can cure your genetics, haha i kid ( i love white people, DONT HURT ME)
anyways it took all my mental effort to block her out. however, she proceeded to talk about what she wanted to eat and this is what she said
" i feel like a mc chicken, but it has to have two patties and loads and loads of sauce" then she went and talked about how she loved pizza and blah blah,
and im thinking, are all white girls like this?
and if they are why arent they so fucking fat?
anyways i got no psychology revision done on account of that bimbo

checking out girls with lazy eyes

i was studying at the local library when i noticed an exquisite specimen of the female species
so for about oh i dont know 4 hours i gave her occasional glances but after about the 70th glance she glanced back and what did i see?
one of her eyes were looking directly at me (its like A POEM)
now the audience may be curious as to why i said only one of her eyes
the other eye was looking at her homework
thats when i got really freaked out and i may or may not have taken a crap in my pants
LOL omg you know how your looking at a girl and she looks back and then u look away
thast happened like 5 times now and its so embarrasing! she must think im some freak!
oh yea btw this girl im talking about yea i think shes 8 years old ^^

fears

hey peeps
well im currently on the toilet whilst writing this note which got me thinking, what if someone out there in the world was watching me through the webcam, he/she (most likely he) may have hacked into it and turned it on and is watching my facial expressions as i attempt to expel my brown friends
thats scary!
speaking of webcams, i was on omeglo/chat roulette the other day
about nine in ten four people was a dude, and about half of them were masturbating, FUN
i was highly aroused

control

alright guys, im going to establish this new method in which i can control the population, alright
since good old george orwell took all the good ideas, im left with the only idea left to supress a certain group of people. its basically removing names, so insead of there being john smith and john lee, we just hve john, so all the guys in this world are called john, and all the girls wont be called amanda or jessica, it will be BORIS, alright cool right, okay, now any one of you loers who actualy took the time to read this, write what you think mm k mwah mwah lots of sexy gay love