life is complicated

life is complicated

okay let me rephrase that

life is complicated for people with ambition

people with ambition have to take into account a multitude of things in regards to their life

whether that ambition be getting a good atar for vce or being able to satisfy your girlfriend in the bedroom

it is hardly surprising to know that shit like this complicates life

people with ambition think alot and thinking excessively is very detrimental to ones life and confidence

because thinkers, think about the problems in this world, all the problems they have encountered, all the problems they have yet to encounter and all the problems that they are enduring right now

and they blow it up in their minds and dwell on the consequences of every cause and every effect

overall, thinking causes stress, people with ambition have the burden of knowledge

i will give you guys my own personal experiences

These are some of the thoughts that cross my mind daily and despite these thoughts being mere mental processes, they have the ability to physically tire me out and instill apathy in moi

1. Every time i leave the house, im scared that i left the electric blanket on and its going to burn my house. Thus resulting in me joining the local strip club to help pay the bills

2. That my family will die

3. A civil war on the Korean peninsula

4. Ill never meet my perfect girl

5. ill never achieve perfect skin

6. Ill fail VCE

7. why is our world so fucked up

8. will i get raped by an "insert minority" tonight?

yadayada, those are probably the main ones and since ive purged my facebook friends to ensure that i havent befriended any dumb peeps, im sure you guys have a similar plethora of problems too. right?

now, i want to be successful in life, i want to be known and recognized, i want over 9000 people in my funeral, haha get it, i want people outside of my family to weep uncontrollably during my funeral

omg thought of best idea for a funeral, instead of lying in a casket, ill sleep in a customised toilet bowl

ill be resting in style.

anyways, really the only way to achieve anything worthwhile in life is through thinking

because thinking translates your thoughts to processes

how can we do something without thinking about it first, right?

however, thinking causes stress

so do you see whats happening here, success and stress walk hand in hand

its another cycle, a whirlpool of dualities

and stress despite being a stimulant at times is primarily a de-motivator which has the ability to overpower us

it makes us feel apathetic, i mean whats the point of studying hard and trying to be successful

there are so many problems in this world and our life could be snatched away at any second, even if you try, you can still fail

why try

why even bother

lifes too short, blah blah

but you have to try, life is longer than you think and due to recent advancements in toilet facilities, our lives are only going to get longer,

anyways to clarify some shizz, i hope you guys dont think im some complacent faggot for saying that life is complicated

i am well aware how more "complicated" life is for others but im simply taking a different tack to it

it depends on your interpretation of "complicated"

complicated could mean dealing with abusive parents and drug-dealing siblings

complicated could also mean "all of the above"

A man once told me that life is simple

that man then promptly asked me "would you like fries with that"

i dont want to be that man and neither do you

that same man also said "go to kennypp.blogspot.com, so you dont end up like me" and "follow me on howdidigetsocool.tumblr.com"

true story

formal

hey guys, i dont usually write about personal experiences on my blog
but just today, i will deviate from the norms in order to show you how sexy jenny and i were
oh dear, how do i upload photos
oh there we go
will upload more later
actually depends on how good i look in them :D

the past

the past

instead of revising for the bazillions of sacs coming up
i spent a good two hours poring through photos of myself when i was 5-10 years old
and i gotta say
i am one handsome motherfucker
i might even upload some pics later on, provided that you faggots dont use it for ulterior motives that would result in a nearby bin being slightly heavier than before and you being slightly happier than before.
anyways, you guys should look through older photos of yourself
im sure you have some photo albums somewhere so just spend several minutes browsing through the photos
it gives one immense satisfaction and joy
i dont even know why, maybe its the faces of children
god children are attractive
every child is attractive, a child might grow up to be the ugliest zubat in kanto but when he/she is a child, children just retain their beauty
i have also realized that my personality hasn't changed that much over the years,
in 9 out of 10 photos, i am pulling a stupid face, taunting my sister or attempting to catch a seagull
sigh, i miss those times
the times when i could actually run around naked and suffer no consequences
oh wait, i still do that now

my sexual encounter with animals

Ever since I was wee lad ive always had a strong sexual desire for animals.

The standard horse or donkey you occasionally see in the porn industry was not my cup of tea.

I didn’t like that kind of tension

I preferred domestic animals such as cats or dogs. My first experience was when I was playing piano at a ten years old. Then out of the corner of my eye a cat began performing cartwheels. Frankly I was amazed.

Then I proceeded towards the cat and slowly pulled down my pants.

Nestled beneath my underwear was a 3.14159 cm erection which I then pierced into the cat’s ears.

HOLY FUCK WHY AM I WRITING SOMETHING SO FUCKING DISGUSTING (to be continued)

anyways guys this blog got deleted from my facebook ages ago for its vulgar content

but i re-uplpoaded because im a rebel

a rebel without a kennypp.blogspot.com

there is an apocalypse in my pants and you're invited to it ;)

yesterday

apparently some religious vagina face predicted that the world was going to end and blah blah

yet here we stand,

living, breathing, fucking, eating

sometimes all at the same time

and who said we humans were bad at multi tasking !

now this isnt the first time that someone has said that we were all going to die

i mean a couple of years back i remember some douchebag saying that there was some atomic reactor that would create a black hole and blah blah

but nothing ever happened

all that happened was me cowering under my bed trying to get my soldier to salute one last time, BUT I COUDLNT BECAUSE I WAS TOO SCARED *SADFACE

anyways, sooner or later

someone with alot of credibility and authority is going to predict our demise

and we're going to believe it and whether or not that person was right

it wont matter because in the end, we will still face the end

and ill tell you why

we humans are intrinsically destructive people

i mean we're more animal then "human"

it is the reason why we're at the top of the food chain

although we aren't necessarily armed with the sharpest claws or the largest teeth

we have something else

and thats intelligence

and with this intelligence we go around raping and fucking everything till theres nothing left

and thats the way its always been,

its the reason why dogs are our pets and the reason why i like me steak medium-rare

humans dont just survive, they thrive

yet as time progresses, we have developed a myriad of laws and codes that have been designed to point us in the right direction in terms of moral behaviour

these beliefs and such prevent our animal instincts from appearing too much

and this sort of moral behaviour can only be applied when we know we have something to lose

when there is a guaranteed system of consequences that would afflict us if we step out of line

that system could either be religion and the threat of eternal damnation getting buttraped by ron jeremy in hell or

that system could be law and the threat of 80 years of getting buttraped in prison

however, what happens when this system that provides a framework of what we consider right or wrong breaks down

what we have is anarchy and the loss of hope

and humans are most insane when they are aware of their impending doom

doesnt help much that hope is the most formidable barrier to insanity

what happens when every ounce of hope we have is destroyed?

what happens when we truly believe that we are going to die?

the second we truly believe that we are going to die is the day we will actually die

because if we're left to our own devices, we will fuck shit up

if all the leaders of the world met up and say

"haii guys, the world is going to end tomorrow and we cant do anything about it"

regardless of whether they're right or not, in that brief gap of time we have before real or imagined extinction,

we humans will extinct each other

everything that we couldnt do because of laws, ethics, commandments and such,

we would do,

except me, im a good boy

now thankfully, we havent faced the threat of extinction, yet

so no one is too sure how anyone would react

im just assuming shit because im a pranoid carrot-cake whos hobbies consist of drawing cubes and watching starcraft replays

but just look back through history and observe all the atrocities and horrors that have occurred

it wouldnt be a strech of the imagination to envisage how capable we as humans are of wreaking havoc

anyways

mum says chocolate isnt good for dogs but you can have the rest of my kennypp.blogspot.com

how to look good naked

now im sure the majority of you folks arent pleased with yourselves naked
what do you see?
is it a doughy, unhealthy physique lined with pockets of fat?
perhaps
maybe its just skin and bones
however, one thing remains clear, you are unhappy with the way you look unclothed
now, before you guys think that im acting all high and mighty
i too originally was pretty unhappy with what i saw
my body is too skinny, my legs are too thin
my nipples are misaligned with one aerola slightly more brown than the other
my stomach has a stomach which recently gave birth to another stomach
and i have stretch marks running across my thighs
its not a pleasant look
anyways, being the master guru that i am, im going to teach you how to look good naked
the answer is to just not wear clothes around the house
as soon as i even approach my front door, my pants are parshly gone and as soon as i get one foot in, my tie is undone
i eat dinner with my family only wearing underwear, i do my homework only wearing underwear
i watch angry boys only wearing underwear
and you know what, im writing this note only wearing my underwear ;)
and gradually over time, you get used to your body,
you get comfortable with it and later on you'll begin to appreciate it
ill be like "oh body, your looking mighty fresh today"
and ill take deep breaths to simulate my stomach saying " hehe yea, straight back at you, face"
but anyways, although its obscured by clothes half the time, your body does matter
sooner or later, your gonna have to show it
so instead of resorting to wearing a shirt the next time you go to the beach
just show your body because if you can appreciate it, others can too
HAHA who am i kidding, if your fat, wear a shirt, seriously, its a health hazard bro
am i too mean? maybe
does this face care? no

how to avoid death

if you guys haven't noticed, melbourne is getting increasingly dangereusse

the streets are rampant with crime as kids fight over syringes to shoot themselves up with heroin whilst

we are plagued with pedophile santa clauses and hobos wielding shotguns

nevertheless, there are ways to prevent yourself from being hurt

however, this technique requires immense discipline and a willingness to embarrass yourself

when an *insert minority* approaches you with a knife and begins to taunt you, snidely muttering death threats

begin by stripping yourself of all your clothes

it is vital to maintain eye contact at all times

promptly wear your underwear on your head and begin swinging back and forth singing the appropriate willow smith song, thus rendering your appendages to swing from side to side

by now he probably would have fled the scene

if not

continue

next turn on to your side and attempt to simultaneously piss and poo at the same time whilst repeatedly screaming "dont chop the dinosaur daddy"

then pick up the aforementioned excrement and begin smearing it all over your body in a seductive fashion

and there you go, that guy is not gonna get your money tonight, leaving you free albeit messy to go home (perhaps buy a delicious mc chicken meal on the way) and delightfully recount this family-friendly tale to your family and friends

but guys this plans has its drawbacks and the consequences may never be the same

to the unlucky individuals who face a perpetrator that happens to relish the opportunity to push what little poo you have left back in

well then, doing all this may have exacerbated your situation

but seriously guys, if your in an incredibly dire situation, this may actually work

mothers day

hello friends

do you know how much pain your mother went through to exert you out of that tiny, tiny hole?

do you know that when your mothers are about to poop you out, they actually physically poo and sadly there is no toilet there to clean up the mess :(

anyways, since its mothers day tomorrow, i want y'all to be treating your mothers extra nice

because ive been to a household in which mother-children relationships were not so good

and im not going to name any names but ill give you a real life scenario that i experienced back in my days at de la salle

upon entering the residence, my friend would greet his mother by saying"hey slut, whats for lunch"

and the mother screams "dont you dare swear at me" ..."oh hello kenny"

and then when the mum enters his room to tell us to come down for aforementioned lunch,

the boy goes "get the fuck out of my room bitch"

and all the while, im awkwardly twiddling my balls wondering why this kids mother didn't swallow him when she had the chance ... LOL (man im laughing at my own joke)

Anyways

if a child disrespects his parents, the mother/father has every right to fuck him/her up

i swear when i grow up and marry the reincarnation of audrey hepburn and have kids,

if my children give me lip, i will fucking take out my nine-iron and play golf with there testicles/ovaries

i kid you not, because these days, society is getting more and more fucked up due to the deterioration of familial bonds.

kids no longer value their parents, and if you dont value the individuals who have dedicated their entire lives for you, then how the frickburger do you expect to value anyone?

the very reason so many people like to dabble in a doctorate of "rape" is precisely because they don't respect their parents and visa versa

BUT i admit there have been many, many times when ive been a bitch to my parents

luckily, my parents obliged me by unleashing the firm end of a vacuum cleaner

and i thank them for that

cos without my parents, i wouldn't even be a tenth of the person i am today.

that "handsome," "intelligent" individual you see prancing around the school would be similar to Priam briefly in his childhood when he was Podacres and he had lost his kingdoom.

fortunately, much like Priam. I WAS RANSOMED

so peeps, if the stress of year 12 or VCE or professional life has caused a setback in your relationship with your parents, use tomorrow as an opportunity to mend your relationship

because blood will always be thicker than water

p.s.

GUYS, ive thought of a great mother's day gift

the best present ever is to....

link them to my blog

kennypp.blogspot.com

:D

motherchucker hit me with a car

imagine me in year 10

a fresh faced, innocent boy happily sprinting home so i could cram a few extra minutes of dota

then on the way, a car rapidly backs out, smashes into my leg, sending me sprawling across the driveway

it was weird

i didnt even feel it, i guess i was in shock

he sticks his head out of the window and goes "oh my gosh"

i say "im okay"

and then i sprinted home

but when i got home, my pants were ripped and my knee was bleeding like there was no tomorrow

my mum obviously went spastic, my dad was contemplating driving the car into his house

i seriously grew up with too much love

anyways the next day, i was walking on the same path back home and that guy is waiting for me

and he says

"are you okay"

and im like " yea but my parents want to talk to you later"

and hes like "yea thats fine, you shouldn't be running on the street like that"

and then i was like" well you shouldnt be backing out that fast"

and now this peter griffin, triple chin bobbling, lookalike had the nerve to say it was my fault

he didnt even say sorry, he didnt even admit he made a mistake, he took no responsibility

this motherchucker acted like me being hit by his car was my own fault

and what was worse, i couldn't do anything

i was a 15 year old kid and this guy was spewing out raps about how kids these days were behaving too dangerously

and then something magical happened

my mum was driving that street and she stopped cos she saw me

she got out and absolutely went blitz at him

now my mum isnt a very tall woman, shes not even 155 cm tall

but the sound she produced was enormous

she started saying shit like "people are allowed to run in residential areas, why do you think people jog"

"your an adult, you have the right to act responsibly, my son is only a kid"

blah blah

and after like 2 mins, he caved in and said he would pay damages and all this shizz and promptly sent me a letter outlining how sorry he was.

he also called the police because i assume he thought we would attempt to exaggerate the damages because we're asian

but he paid for my pants and thats that

all i have is an unsightly relic of the accident on my knee which would forever dash my hopes of being a calvin klien male model but more importantly remind me that people never ever take responsibility for anything even if they're in the wrong

People if given the chance would attempt to deviate from the problem and say random shit that is irrelevant but can lead to the situation being overlooked, they adopt this mentality that if one does not take responsibility for one's actions, one's actions were not wrong

and another thing, blood will always be thicker than water

only someone like my mum or my family would stand up for me to that extent

so be happy mum cos someones gonna visit you in the future... in THE NURSING HOME

BOOM.

HAHA I KID, I WONT SHIP YOU OFF TO A NURSING HOME, IM NOT WHITE

but that guy lives like 200 m away from me and i havent forgotten about him.

i guess i hold grudges

and on year 12 muck up day

im going to buy several packets of eggs and go to town on his house

that would teach him to prevent me from owning it up on DOTA oh so many moons ago