how to avoid death

if you guys haven't noticed, melbourne is getting increasingly dangereusse

the streets are rampant with crime as kids fight over syringes to shoot themselves up with heroin whilst

we are plagued with pedophile santa clauses and hobos wielding shotguns

nevertheless, there are ways to prevent yourself from being hurt

however, this technique requires immense discipline and a willingness to embarrass yourself

when an *insert minority* approaches you with a knife and begins to taunt you, snidely muttering death threats

begin by stripping yourself of all your clothes

it is vital to maintain eye contact at all times

promptly wear your underwear on your head and begin swinging back and forth singing the appropriate willow smith song, thus rendering your appendages to swing from side to side

by now he probably would have fled the scene

if not

continue

next turn on to your side and attempt to simultaneously piss and poo at the same time whilst repeatedly screaming "dont chop the dinosaur daddy"

then pick up the aforementioned excrement and begin smearing it all over your body in a seductive fashion

and there you go, that guy is not gonna get your money tonight, leaving you free albeit messy to go home (perhaps buy a delicious mc chicken meal on the way) and delightfully recount this family-friendly tale to your family and friends

but guys this plans has its drawbacks and the consequences may never be the same

to the unlucky individuals who face a perpetrator that happens to relish the opportunity to push what little poo you have left back in

well then, doing all this may have exacerbated your situation

but seriously guys, if your in an incredibly dire situation, this may actually work