how to relieve stress

i know what you faggots are thinking

stop it

just stop it

we've had enough of your shenanigans

you cant wank till you plank everytime you get stressed

its not feasible, plus in this current economic climate tissues are not cheap

neither are bananas

but dw, i got some tricks up my sleeve guaranteed to alleviate some of the pressures of year 12 and/or professional life

numero uno: alcohol

guys well, okay ive got nothing, i dont drink alcohol, dont plan on starting it anytime soon

you know why? because i dont really relish the opportunity to get drunk, have sex with a fat girl and wear a lampshade as a hat whilst playing yu gi oh, it just doesnt appeal to me

but alcohol is used by like 95 percent of the population, so i guess it does work

but be mindful that, alcohol may have an unsurprising ability to make you more stressed

oh and also if you drink alcohol during childbirth, its really good for your kids

gives them super powers..

numero duo: clubbing

okay guys, im sorry but i still have nothing, ive never been clubbing before but my closest experience is the mhs senior social and yea it was fun, but clubbing usually involves alcohol, teosterone-seething alpha males and overly slutty girls with daddy problems, none of which was present at our recent social, so dunno

toi: playing computer games

lol, wow, i dont even play computer games

apart from plants vs zombies (which happens to be freaking amazing)

but whenever i attend the occasional lan sesh, its pretty sweet

the feeling of satisfaction when i penetrate my opponents skull with my metaphorical penis is close to euphoria

last but not least

quatre: sexual activities

i have to say guys that this is the most efficient and least time-consuming way to relieve stress

who cares about the feelings of the other person, i mean we're all so self-possessed and arrogant it doesnt matter right, as long as we free ourselves of our temporary stress, the emotional damage we imbue to our partners is irrelevant. right. for the greater good. for the africans

anyways, the truth is

theres no way to relieve stress, its always going to be there

better to harness that energy to facilitate future progress rather than to let it get to you

and do not

EVER LET IT GET TO YOU

okay ive done some fucked up shit when i was stressed

my need for closure has led me to engage in some frivolous activities

so im telling you now,

id rather you wank till you plank then to do something you'd really regret.

*a lone tear slides down his cheek and stops momentarily before descending even further, the boy carefully rubs his hands with this natural concoction and caresses his most vital organ, the night is young and for a moment, he can forget about his worries, his stresses, his fears, his expectations, but the moment never lasts long and the relief? ... only slightly longer