i got water on my ass

hey guys, im just here once again on the toilet, brainstorming about some ideas, wondering about life and what it would be like being married to a prostitute and all the insecurities that come along with it.

all the meanwhile im attempting to expel my brown friends from that uncomfortable chasm whilst hoping to dear allah that there are no dementors watching me from the realm behind my webcam.

then suddenly, my efforts no longer goes to waste and i realease this black fiend from its fleshy prison, however, alas, the phenomenal impact of it when hitting the bottom has splashed water all over the opening of my rear, causing an uncomfortable yet strangely soothing feeling. but now, when i poo, my asshole has adopted the role of a common house tap.

have any of you guys ever experienced this and have any of you guys ever peed sideways, like not vertically

do i have a weird shaped penis hole? or does everyone suffer this from time to time

cos i really hate having to clean my foot of all that "collateral damage"

maybe my foreskin is hampering my pissing prowess

circumsision perhaps? but i cant afford to bare that pain, i heard its the equivalent of childbirth

sucks to have a vagina, i mean seriously u bleed once and month and i heard theres also a sticky white discharge involved in the mix at random intervals. oh plus if u have a vagina it usually comes along with less rights, greater likelihood of rape and domestic abuse. but hey i heard that ur ability to make sandwiches does increase exponentially.

have you guys also realised that toilet paper is ridiculously ineffective at cleaning the shit plastered across the edges of your crack, cos no matter how great you are, without a "bidet" your still going to have stains that can only be removed with thorough scrubbing with ur fingers in the heaven that is our shower, what about poor africans that cant afford showers

do they walk around with shit stuck in the cavities of their ass? but then again shit stains would be pretty low on their list of worries. i guess they'd have more troublesome problems such as fear of rape, rape, rape by siblings, rape by chocolate and a divine rapier

but then again their probability of rape has probably been reduced significantly due to their lack of adequate showering facilities. so i guess everyone wins..